Posts Tagged ‘freedom’

December 17th, 2009 By Tony Posted in Inner Work, Mental Health, Self Development, Self Knowledge, Spiritual & Personal Growth, The Midnight Rambler

Free The Butterfly

As the year draws to a close, and I am looking ahead into 2010, very aware of the direction that I want my life to take, both personally and professionally.

It is now Thursday night, here in Sydney, NSW, Australia, that fabled land Downunda, and I am feeling rather content with myself. Last night’s sororie of good food, good wine, good companions and good conversation, reminded me, just how much good there is in the world.  In fact, I have had a rather good week of it, and I am savouring that goodness. As I write this, I am conversing with friends on Facebook, and romancing friends inside my head. Fuck, I love them, warts and all. I fucking love them.

I am contemplating the changes that have occurred within me, and I am really pleased with how I have been able to tune into my mind, my body and my soul, and how in touch with myself I have become. I am conscious of my own power, and I am still coming to grips with harnessing it effectively. But no matter, with a greater lucidity than I have possessed in the past, I am seeing the world with greater awareness, and less fear. I am relating to people and the world around me with more openness.

Sure, I still harbour some resistance to change, to letting go, to relating with people, but you know change does not happen overnight. I can live with that, and the residual feelings of resistance that I have, are not disabling, as they used to be.

But the most important thing I am doing is that I am finally learning to love myself. Just love myself!

This coming Sunday, Noreen and I will be doing our LETTING GO ceremony that I have written about elsewhere on this blog. Nice and early, we will be driving down to Bundeena, I think, and conduct it on the beach there. This brings to mind the song, FREE THE BUTTERFLY, by my favourite singer and performer, Suzi Quatro.

I am not enamored with the song. I find it too wimpy, considering Suzi’s style, which is more “Grrrr!” than, “Oh Woah!” Some of you who know me, and know me well, will shake your heads and say, “Tony afraid of wimp? He is a sook, a soppy sook! I’m sure the Angel of Cuddles has a thing or two to say about my sookiness. Indeed, I wonder what The Scarlett Tiger is thinking? “Has Mephisto been tamed?”

Anyway, the lyrics do express a yearning that I have to let go of me, the old me. Indeed, they express a feeling that Noreen has expressed to me, and we both agree, that it’s time we performed a simple ceremony to help us, let go!

One Kiss for yesterday, one hope for tomorrow
Face to face with sorrow, nothing left to say
One more love affair dead and gone
Two weary contenders, moving on
Will the snake shed its skin, when the truth rushes in

So let the chrysalis begin, free the butterfly within
Spread my wings, I wanna fly
Let my happiness being, Free the butterfly within
Spread my wings, I just got to try
Free this butterfly, free…. this butterfly

Precious moments we can’t forget, a promise forever
Yes, we know that it’s over, my heart has no regrets
Cuz the love we shared has flown away
Although I’m beside you, everyday
We shared the best, now it’s time to put this pain to rest

So let the chrysalis begin, free the butterfly within
Spread my wings, I wanna fly
Let my happiness being, Free the butterfly within
Spread my wings, I just got to try
Free this butterfly, free…. this butterfly

The snake sheds its skin, truth rushes in
I start to cry, this is goodbye, free……

And I am looking forward to some slowdancing that may come my way! “Wink!”

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December 5th, 2009 By Tony Posted in Songs, Stories, The Midnight Rambler

Cat’s Eyes & Other Freedom Songs

I’ve always had a predilection for sad songs, sex songs, freedom songs, and rebel songs. I tune into songs that tell a story; songs that have a moral; songs of accountability; songs that communicate, and songs that impart wisdom and a cautionary tale.

I saw my ex again last night, Mama
She was at the dance at Miller’s store
She was with that Jackie White, Mama
I killed them both and they’re buried
Under Jacob’s’ sycamore. (Psycho)

Pop music is all very well and dandy. It has no agenda other than to provide some pleasant background sounds. Its sensory pleasures are fleeting. As mood music, it can be quite nice, but it’s really for those moments when you don’t want to think. It’s for those times you just want to let your hair down and groove. It’s for when you are gagging for a quick shag and not the ethereal, throw me against the wall and fuck the life out of me, experience!

Quickies are nice though, they bring instant gratification, but what does it all mean?

When Aretha Franklin wrote and sang:

His name is Doctor Feelgood in the mornin’
And taking care of business is really this man’s gain
And after one visit to Doctor Feelgood
You’ll understand why Feelgood is his name
Oh, yeah, oh good God of mine
And the man sure makes me feel real – good (Dr Feelgood)

she wasn’t singing about the most wonderful three minutes of her life. She was rolling about on the altar of love, shrieking with joyous abandon:

(Forever) Forever, and ever, (you’ll stay in my heart and I will love you)
(Forever) Forever, and ever, (we never will part  Oh, how I love you)
(Together) Together, forever , (that’s how it must be To live without you)
Would only mean heartbreak for me, ooh (I Say A Little Prayer)

Suzi Quatro is as pop as pop gets. In her heyday, she busted the stereotype of what and who women could be. She forged an image that exuded confidence and self worth. The lady had balls, and she was in control of her life.

Don’t tell me what to do
And don’t tell me how to spend my time
I ain’t got nothing to hide
I’m free to be what I want to be
And nobody owns my mind
I’ve got my sunshine eyes and I’ve got my sunshine smile
I may be lonesome at times
I’m free to be where I want to be
And nobody owns my time (Rolling Stone)

Suzi was the one who provided me with my first rebel songs that have become my theme songs. You Can Make Me Want You, CatSize [pronounced Cat's Eyes], Devil Gate Drive, Half As Much As Me, Tear Me Apart, The Wild One,  Four Letter Words, I Maybe Too Young, Rolling Stone, Born to Run, the obligatory sex song Roman Fingers, You Are My Lover, and the snarling spittery of Glycerine Queen.

At the moment, CatSize is resonating rather strongly with me.

Now I’m done playing with fools
And I’ve paid all my childhood dues
I find the mountain much steeper to climb
Am I just one of the crowd?
I decided a few days ago
There’s no room. Room for me in this show
I changed my make-up completely this time
Now I’m not one…one of the crowd (CatSize)

It marks an epiphanic moment. The awareness of being different hits hard. The protagonist knows that they don’t fit in. They also know that if the current situation does not make them happy, then change needs to happen, and the instigator of that change is them, you. That is, me!

Other than the LETTING GO ceremony I spoke about in Hit the Road Jack, I am giving serious thought to marking my change with a tattoo.

I’m not going to share what I may get, until I have decided for sure, because I still want the option to chicken out. If I do decide to get a tattoo, it will be hidden. It won’t be for public adornment. It will only be for me. A mark on my body to remind me always, of who I am!

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