While I’m on a roll, I’m gonna blog about something I never thought I would. The cochlear implant. Yes, that damn thing. I could describe it as an infestation, of biblical proportions, but I will try to be impartial and abstain from making any sarcastic comments, but irony, there will be aplenty. I’m Australian. How can you be Australian and not do irony?
For along time, I’ve harboured some serious ambivalence towards the implant, I still do, BUT I’ve always understood the choices that people were making, and WHY they were making those choices. I am a lot more savvy of the Deaf, deaf, hearing issues, surrounding the implant, than most bloggers profess to do. Sure, sometimes it’s not always apparent from what I write, but then again, many of the criticisms I have received, ignore many of the issues I raise. Perhaps, the menace of probing questions threatens the borders of their comfort zones? Or is it simply easier to accuse Deaf people of bias, critical and non accepting of diversity?
Meanwhile, the implant infestation continues unabated. It has invaded my family home.
Yes. SHOCK! HORROR!
Another B-Grade Science Fiction movie, "Let’s Do The Time Warp Again!"
Cue: Dr Frank’n’Furter, "How u do I, see you’ve got yerself, a cute little implant-tee!"
Sorry, couldn’t resist. Hard not to do the sark.
Anyway, my first encounter with the implant was when me mate Slakbarsted, not BARSTUD, but BASTARD, decided to succumb to the surgeon’s knife, and get himself the latest in hearing accessories. He did it twice, and is now bilateral [which makes me think, is there heterolateral and homolateral? Hmmm!? maybe heterolateral is someone who wears a hearing aid and an implant, and a homolateral is someone who wears an implant of the same model and make. Then it begs the question, what if a person only wears one, does that make them sololateral. The connotations of this word, are just too awful to contemplate!]
My second encounter, was when my Deaf brother’s partner, decided to get the implant. She wears a hearing aid too, thereby making her heterolateral. Even my Deaf Brother is contemplating the implant, labouring under some new age thesis, that the universe meant for us all to hear. That’s why we have ears.
My third, and recent encounter, was with a deafie who is also bi-lateral, and Deafie who grew up with an implant, and has rejected it when she came of age.
One thing that has become clear, is the implant is a more advanced hearing aid. Sure it does things a hearing aid doesn’t do, but it is still simply a hearing aid. The wearer still has to take it off, just like u would a hearing aid. I know Rachel., for one, was been huffing and puffing this very point, many times in her blog, but monotonous "Hosanna’s!" render’s any receptivity mute! Quite frankly, anyone who walks the Hosanna! Hallelujah! Route when discussing assistive listening devices, methods of integration, and how much more fulfilled they are because they are part of the mainstream, la, la, la, gets stonewalled.
Whereas my mate Slakbarsted, is alot more level headed, and so I am able to talk, discuss and ask all the questions I want.
When Slakbarsted told me of his decision to get the implant, I made it quite clear that I would not reject him. I haven’t and I won’t. He is my mate. But I did harbour a fear, that he would reject me, and the Deaf world, in favour of the hearing world. Slak, a revelation for you mate!
Of course, there is alot more to the story than this, which I’m not going to divulge, as it belongs to our personal sphere. If he wishes to elaborate why he decided to have the implant, he is welcome to speak for himself in the comments, or another blog post.
Happily, it turns out he has rejected neither. He has embraced both worlds. When I complimented him on his improved signing, I was actually expressing an appreciation of his embracing both world’s.
The first thing I hate about the implant, is how fucking awful it looks. I’m sure that one day, it will improve to the point, where it is virtual indistinguishable from a hearing aid. But until that day, you have to content yourselves with looking like freaks. That is one of my personal idiosyncrasies, my hatred of looking freaky [there’s alot more issues at play than just the aesthetics of the implant]. After all, I grew up with the box in the bag and a ear piece, before I progressed to the more normal looking behind the ear aids.
The second thing I hate about the implant, is the horror of subjecting myself to the surgeon’s knife. Then comes all the other attendant bullshit, which I can do without. I already have enough trouble adapting to new hearing aids, which take me a while to get used to. The new digital aids, require attending your friendly audiologist for any adjustments required. So, why would I put myself through all the other crap? Granted, everyone is different [see, I can acknowledge people making choices different to mine!]
The third thing I hate, and along standing one, is the kudos you get from hearing people, who loudly proclaim how lucky you are to be able to hear, and blah, blah, blah. In doing this, they actually make you feel more like a freak than you already are. The assumption that you have become more normal, and a better person than you were [already are], is patronising. For all th rhetoric about diversity, equality, and tolerance, there is the underlying assumption that normal is something they are and you’re not.
The fourth thing I hate, is how hearing people still make the assumption because you wear an assistive listening device, your deafness is obliterated, and that you can hear, even if you take them off. Hell, they don;t even think you take them off. I use to get that a lot. "Do you take them [hearing aids] off when you go to sleep, have a shower?" Ask my mate Slakbarsted about that one. When he told me about a particular incident, it reminded me, that the implant is still a mechanical device that can be switched off, or taken off.
It is actually a relief to be able to deal with the implant issue, and express my curiosity about it, without the attendent "Hosannas, it’s a miracle!" But then again, the golden rule is to ask a Deafie, never a hearing person, and make sure they are Aussie. You will be guaranteed some sense of level headedness. Then again, I could be wrong!
But, can the implant peacefully co-exist with Deaf people? Of course it can. Like any technology that has gone on before, it has its detractors, but if the truth be told, us Deafies are a lot more level headed than the rest of you rabble, give us credit for. Take out the bullshit, sorry, the "Hosannas and Hallelujahs", preach a little more level headedness, knock that integration chip off shoulder’s… and maybe, just maybe…
New Words For The Implant Lexiconography. Deafinitions welcome:
Sololateral
Heterolateral
Homolateral
Bilateral
