Last Friday night, while we were waiting for dinner to cook, Mountain Man was making a spag bowl, we cracked open a bottle of champers. That bottle of champers led to a bottle of Semillon Blanc, which led to a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon Shiraz, which led to a bottle of Shiraz, which led to us calling it quits at 10 o’clock, and leaving the remaining glass to languish overnight. If you are counting, it all adds up to one drunken stupor and a conversation that came left of centre.
I will only speak for myself, but the next morning I was hungover. Not from an alcohol induced haze, but from the exhaustion that set in after our hearts, minds and mouths, worked overtime as judge, jury and executioner that spared no one, including ourselves.
Other than Art, Sex, Drugs and Rock’n’Roll, our conversation was about the usual shit: life, love, the universe, and the crossing of swords. As they always are. To be privy to what we ACTUALLY talked about, or what we DO ACTUALLY talk about, you need to become a fly on the wall, or become such a good friend, that we allow you into our inner sanctum.
Very few people get to experience the full force of my true personality. Most experience my public persona, the image I portray, or selected aspects of me that I choose to share. It’s what I have learnt to do, to hive off aspects of myself for public consumption, and hide the rest lest I be thought of in a bad light. Nowadays, I am learning not to give a shit. I am learning to choose who I share myself with. After all, not many people are willing to have relationships devoid of labels and role playing.
Integrity and trust are paramount to whom, I let into my inner sanctum, and are equally paramount to how I conduct my close, personal relationships. I have worked hard for the close friends that I have, and the level of trust that I append to them. As a result, I have developed some expectations, that some would say are unrealistic. To that charge, I say, do not raise those expectations if you do not plan to meet them! A facile thing to say, I know, but that’s a discussion for another time.
The title of this post, “Honest Conflict Leaves The Door Open For Reconciliation”, was coined by my friend Noreen during a conversation we had last Sunday morning, where I was describing my relationship with Mountain Man over the years. If there is one thing that characterises our relationship, it is one of forgiveness and trust, without which, the work I put into friendship would have been meaningless.
During our hazed stupor of a conversation, I asked Mountain Man, once again, “How was it that he maintained his trust in me, inspite of our conflicts?” Not the forgiveness and the love, but also the trust. We always picked up where we left off. We always resumed communication as if our conflicts didn’t happen, but as I said to him, “The thing is you still trusted me to share personal stuff with me!”
His response was simple. “You never backstabbed me!”
